the day i died July 27 2009
Old 08-04-2009, 11:31 PM   #1
zepra
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Default the day i died July 27 2009

A leg begins to wobbles
With lewd diabolical gesture;
the sicking and panicing of your stomach,
This seems to be the warder to a laughable game,
as you realize you begun A dance of the dead
a dance to the souls of the damned
they will dance forever in their captivated trance
Shadows dancing, forever dancing
The saints and the sinners dance,
To the sound of the rhythm of the dying heart beat
Just shadows dancing in the back of your mind,
They all dance the dance of the dead.
The dead dance into you,
Filling you with silent movements,
The room twirl with grace,
And style
And ease.
Then sweet release.
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Old 08-04-2009, 11:54 PM   #2
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I read a horrible poem
on a forum once.
It was filled with angst
taken from a thesaurus.

It made me
want to kill myself.

Hello darkness my old friend.

Why does everyone think
they can write good poems?
I can't wait to see
everyone talk about how deep
and brooding it is.
Make mention of you
"baring your soul"--

I've read better things
in hot rod magazines
and in Wham! lyrics.

Hello darkness my old friend.
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Old 08-04-2009, 11:59 PM   #3
zepra
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well i did die on the table my heart stopped and 8 doctors jumped me i was in the icu for a week give me a break... i have pe and can drop any second...geez every one a critic
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Old 08-05-2009, 04:22 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zepra
well i did die on the table my heart stopped and 8 doctors jumped me i was in the icu for a week give me a break... i have pe and can drop any second...geez every one a critic
holy crapz0rz dood o.O
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Old 08-05-2009, 07:57 AM   #5
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So THAT'S why you haven't posted anything else for me to critique!

Yes, it is a bit... morbid. Given the circumstances though I'm not surprised. Minor grammatical issues - 99% of high school English teachers would hate this. But it doesn't get in the way of reading it.

Still not Shakespeare, and not exactly something I'd read for pleasure reading... but then again, my tastes are somewhat limited. Overall though I'd say it's pretty good. Keep it coming, please!
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Old 08-07-2009, 03:39 PM   #6
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I hate poetry. I have never known a good poem outside of whimsical rhyming techniques like Edgar Allan Poe's The Bells.
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Old 08-07-2009, 03:39 PM   #7
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Oh yeah. And grats on the rez.
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Old 08-07-2009, 04:10 PM   #8
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Put away the drugs.
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