Humorous skill suggestions

Just for the lulz... I'd post this on the suggestions board if I were serious.

Taxidermy
Each level subtracts .5% from the 50% chance all animal parts (trophies) have of decaying each day. At skill level 100, your animal parts will never decay, and can only be destroyed by ritual sacrifice.

Unfortunately, heavily treated animal parts release noxious vapors when burned, resulting in a .2% chance per level that you will be dazed for .05 seconds per level at the beginning of each combat. This damage to your nervous system is permanent, and cannot be reversed. In addition, each time you sacrifice a taxadermized animal part, there is a .02% chance per level that you will pass out, losing .3 minutes of rested time per level.

[Sporky]

Ignorance

social skill

each level in this skill raises your ignore list cap by one, raising it to 200 at skill level 100.

.

Passive bliss
You are so good at idling, you don't even have to be logged in to do it anymore. You get 1% of your usual logged-in passive bliss per level even while you're not logged in.

(Actually, I'd really like to get all my bliss all the time, but I think the point is they WANT you to keep the browser open, so you're like, "hmmmm... maybe I'll chat and eventually buy a time card...") (But I won't buy one!)

Re: Animal cruelty

However, for each hit blocked in this way, there is a 2% chance that your animal will turn on you, fighting on the side of the enemy for the next 5 battles.

Or something.

Shouldn't dark knights get a bonus to animal cruelty?

Pedomaniac
Each point in this skill allows you to get 1% of the usual experience for fighting grey mobs. At a skill of 100, you will get the same experience from a grey mob as you would if you were only four levels above it. Additionally, if you have any type of bear pet equipped, that pet gets a .1% damage boost against grey mobs per level, for a total of 10% extra damage at level 100.

Martyrdom

Whenever you are killed by a monster at least 3 levels above you, you gain .1% of the experience per skill level that you would have gained if you had won.

Hmmm. Alcoholics get a 5% (up to 15%) bonus in pedophilia, and anyone with a fishing pole in their inventory gets a 10% bonus. Priests get a 100% bonus to pedophilia.

Any priest engaging in pedophilia has a 1% chance of being caught each time. If caught, they are "relocated", and that square is no longer eligible for pedofarming, so the priest must move to a different square to continue.

Non-priests have a 2% chance of getting caught each time. If caught, they lose all of their items, are banned from civil, and have to reroll.

lol

[Relic]

Power of the Glitchless - Every point in this skill gives you a 1% chance of acting like a Communist Russian Tyrant/Dictator, enabling you to ignore what the paying people want, be ignorant and have blatant disregard for other peoples opinions.

Aura of common sense

Whenever you complete a quest, there is a 1% chance per skill level that the Seer will give you the next quest automatically.

Clasp hands

When attacking with empty hands, you may clasp your hands together, so that they now count as a 2H crushing weapon, striking for 1 additional point of damage for every 2 skill levels.

Improved Vision

If Improved Vision is at a higher skill level than your opponent's level, then you can actually see the little critter you're swinging at, because your damn gem collection has been moved to a side bar where it isn't covering them up.

Originally Posted by Relic

Power of the Glitchless - Every point in this skill gives you a 1% chance of acting like a Communist Russian Tyrant/Dictator, enabling you to ignore what the paying people want, be ignorant and have blatant disregard for other peoples opinions.

All self employed ppl use this rune.

Pwn – Every point in this skill increases your damage from DDs and physical attacks by 1 per virtue.

Demonic Iteration

Your stat window now tracks PK, PKK, and so on all the way through PK.....K, where the number of K's is 2 + (Demonic Iteration skill level)/10. Thus at skill level 100, you are eligible for the PKKKKKKKKKKKK score board, as well as all boards for shorter strings of K's.

Organization

After years of studying under skilled secretaries, you have mastered the art of organizing things. Every time you draw a gem, you have a 1% chance per skill level of drawing whichever gem you specify, and otherwise, you draw a gem at random as usual (in which case your random draw still has the usual chance of being that gem).

Dark Obsession

You have a burning lust for detrimental auras, making them 1% more effective per skill level. However, this obsession is not without cost. Whenever you have affliction gems out but have no one to curse them with, your unsatisfied sadistic urges cause you to hear voices in your head mocking you for having no targets for their effects. Each repetition of the voice in your head wounds you for 1 point of damage per skill level. If you die from this damage, then you lose twice as much rested time as usual.

Precision

You are less haphazard about where you strike your animal opponents, making it 1% less likely per skill level that you will accidentally damage beyond use those valuable animal parts which are pleasing to the gods as burnt sacrifices. Additionally, your chances of landing a critical hit increase by .05% per level.

[Sapreaver]

Taking Advantage (males only)
If your character has consumed skill level divided by 100 gate or recall potions in the last 1 hour you have a 1% per point in this skill after winning a duel while using crushers against a member of the other *** to pull out your epic Purple Dragon Piercer and take advantage of the unconsious foe. While doing this you have a 0.5% per point to get them pregnant causing a permanent loss of 10% of their income and a 2.5% loss of your income for the next 18 years This stacks for every time it happens you also have a flat 10% chance to be charged with rape and serve some years in jail. while in jail you have a 1% chance per point of being taken advantaged of by some guy in a dress they call "Big Jill" while you sleep but he is only 5' 6" tall