The story of Nodiatis as seen by me

Huh? It censors the past tense form of "to ****"?

You know, masking, mailing, scotch. Rhymes with grape. An adhesive strip.

Weird.

It was then that I noticed that the docks were swarming with rats and crabs. Too many of them. I panicked, but then I remembered something I thought I heard in the movie Jurassic Park and probably wasn't true, but I was desperate: They can't see you if you don't move. It was an idiotic idea, but I tried it anyway in my exhaustion. And somehow, it worked. They all went about their business. When I took one step to the east, however, a single rat was on me like white on rice, as they say. Just one rat out of hundreds. Then a step south, and it was the same again with a different rat. They were like thugs in a campy Kung Fu movie, politely attacking one at a time, the better for you to defeat them. Again, mouths and gift horses, etc.

It was then that I noticed that I was completely naked.

Luckily, the rats and crabs carried enormous treasure chests, always unlocked. Unfortunately, each contained one or two coins. One can't expect rats and crabs to be diligent savers, one supposes. Alas. I scraped together enough to buy a shirt and two pants legs (what a weird place this was! They sell the two legs separately!), and went back to town. I made my purchase, by now sunburned like any vampire in the daylight would be and eager to have clothes on my back.

And it was then that I broke down crying, the topology of clothing suddenly an enormous gap in my knowledge whose mysteries I could not unravel. I rammed my arms against the shirt again and again to no avail - I was still not wearing the shirt, and I was still naked. I'm not a religious man, but when the seer said to pray to the gods for knowledge, I was desperate enough to give it a try. While he didn't seem to understand how shirts worked either, at least he wore a loincloth, which was more than I was capable of. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

So after a day of sacrificing crab eyeballs and rat pelts to the gods, I experienced the benign epiphany: the big end opens up, you climb inside it, you stick your arms out the side holes, and you stick your head out the hole in the neck. Thus enlightened, I put on my clothes. thanked the seer gratuitously, and then logged off for the day.

Doh, fourth wall.

[Dumpsterslut]

bump

[Picklehead]

I woke up in the middle of a city totally naked sadly this wasn't the first time it had happened. What was new is I was hearing the voice of a woman in my head. The voice in my head told me I should go buy a weapon immediately.

I figured I should buy some clothing first because no one would sell weapons to a random naked dude wandering in their store. I walked into the only clothing store I could find hoping to find a pair of pants. It was then I noticed pants were being sold one leg at a time and none of them covered my crotch. I tried to buy a shirt instead but the voice inside my head became quite cross and wouldn't let me spend the money.

Eventually I gave into the urging of the lady inside my head. I ran into the general store and grabbed an iron gaff. I waited awhile but no one came so I put the money on the counter and left. the lady in my head then forced me to go to church stark naked and carrying what could vaguely be called a weapon.

I walked straight up to the front of the church and found a bald man sitting there in a skirt. The seer, as he insisted being called, told me to go to the docks and rip body parts off rats and to murder a drunk. I got into one little fight and my momma got scared, she said "You're moving with your auntie and your uncle in Bel-Air."

[flipynifty]

To be continued

[Excellence]

Flipy, continue. Bump

[flipynifty]

Its been four years now... four long years...

I lost count at the amount of times ive awoke half naked and bumhurt in castille, could it be nearly three thousand? If i was a woman i would have quite the family by now. Countless battles with the drunken fisherman and tiny foxes have frustrated me to the point of exhaustion... but I persevere! FOR I AM A REGENER ER ER!!! You can bring me down and step on my face and steal my lunchbox but you can take my HP for long!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

I run out into the docks completely naked "come and get some big boy" i say to the drunken fisherman. His eyes look me up and down and he licks his lips... "i never grow tired a ye boy time to get your poop deck swabed!" I close my eyes and he comes at me in full force!
This time I have a suprise..

As he bends me over and prepares to give me a jolly rogering excellence hops out of castille "EXCELSIOR!" he yells as he crushes the fishermans skull with his staff. The fishermans brains go flying everywhere blood spatters by backside. I turn and look to my friend and thank him for his help. "I dont need your gratitude, you know what i want" he replies. Sighing i bend over and close my eyes and clench my teeth. The battle has been won but will I ever make the long trek to Stronhad? The beautiful capital city with wares and whores to last a lifetime...

[Akilthedestroyer]

Lol

[jaym]

nice one

[Excellence]

Lol

[Blaise]

Bump for greatness

[flipynifty]

For great justice

[Excellence]

h8 stories

[flipynifty]

poop