Worlds shortest horror story

[Oneangel]

The last man on earth sat alone in his room. In the silence, he hears a knock at the door.

[oraphim]

Slowly he makes his way to the kitchen, holding his breath and closing his eyes he opens the cupboard, slowly. After a long pause he musters the courage to open his eyes fully and BAM! there are no sammiches left...

[Oneangel]

Deliberating on his sammich conundrum he considers his options. Should he search for sammich material elsewhere or should he brave the perilous world beyond the safety of his front door. Since the death of elder tobias on the fourth moon he had no word on the creatures of the beyond and a hasty decision he well knew could be his last. Still...he must eat, mustn't he? How could he hope to find elaina and the secrets of the bread knife of truth. How else could he help to bring down The Lord of the Crust and return the souls of the departed to el Lorain? How else could he hope for the return of man? There was no other option. Collecting the last of his cheese and pickle into a small brown leather satchel and tucking two butter knives into the lining of the bag he tiptoes to the corner of the room. By peering through the chink in the dusty curtain he searches the wasteland for signs if movement. A his eyes adjust to the light his eyes settle on a patch of moss on the elm tree to the left of eirich point. It wasn't moving. But still, why did he have the feeling it was watching him?

[flipynifty]

Upon closer inspection he found the moss had a pair of,googly eyes glued to it. Who could have done such a thing he asks himself. He pulls the moss from the tree and proclaims "your name,shall be Wilbur!".

The man and Wilbur continue on their search for the holy sammich.

[Oneangel]

Wilbur was no great conversationalist, but after so long in isolation he was pleased for some company. The dark road ahead was riddled with blind corners and dense thicket, many good places for evil to lie in wait, and the idea of not being along gave him some comfort. It would be a slow journey, he knew. The creatures were first thought to be attracted by movement, and he had seen many a man standing stiffly to attention as the beasts drew closer and closer. The dismay in their eyes was short lived as the beasts crushed the mans skull in its jaws, their long black tongue painted red with blood flecked with the creamy, gelatinous brain matter. He knew differently. Their sight may be poor and alerted mainly by movement, but they sensed a man by vibrations in the ground. Moss may make a good companion, but in addition he could attach it to his feet should he need to run. For now though, he would move slowly and silently, checking each step by each delicate step.

As he and wilbur glided through this silent and ethereal landscape the sound of a crow taking flight from its post almost caused him to slip as he placed his foot. He reminded himself he must stay calm. But it was too late, he could feel his heart rate begin to rise. The deep thump of his heart in his chest seemed to be screaming to the night; and he knew, he was not alone.

[TemariChan]

And so he looked at Wilbur and quitely asked him, what shall we do, for he has been outside this whole time. Wilbur whispered back and told him, nothing to truly fear, for he must rest and in order to do so, he must get naked and cover himself in mud, for the snakes come out at night to feed, and they will see his body heat.

So he continues onward till he found a decent looking cave to hide from the creatures of the night, he began to ponder on how to make mud with no water, Wilbur silently whispered to him, there is only one way, and you need to do it to stay alive, you must urinate in a dirt pile and make mud out of it.

And so he got undressed, and began to urinated into a pretty decent pile of dirt and began to make the mud when he heard what sounded like a twig being stepped on....

[oraphim]

He looked outside the cave, nothing, just the cool breeze against his ballsack, "Quite pleasant" he thought. He went back in and laid his head agaist the most comfortable rock he could find, not much but it'd do for now, wearily he fell into a deep sleep. Wilbur saw the man had gone to sleep, then let out all the laughter he'd kept contained after making the man get naked and cover himself in his own piss-soaked mud " What a noob" he thought, so he sneaked up to the man pulled out his mach 3 razor (which he kept for occasions such as this) and delicately shaved his eyebrows off. Then he managed to find some warm bear poo in the cave (yes bears ****ting in the woods is a popular misconception). He carefully put it in the mans hand, tickled his nose and the man's hand instinctiively smeared all over his face. Wilbur sneaked off and laughed himself to sleep.

[Oneangel]

That first night, covered in his own urine and bear faeces, he hardly slept...but as fear rose with the morning sunlight he was instantly alert. Wilbur, who was well rested was in a cheery mood as they set out to forage. Though they moved carefully and slowly, there were rich pickings of arani fruit, sweet and juicy and the slightly sharp starfire berries that though not fully ripe still gave off a wonderful aroma of sugared cinnamon bark and coconut oil. He and wilbur were well fed and looking forward to a full days travel and were light hearted as they made their way back to the cave to collect their belongings. Still cautious however, he lightly brushed aside a large climbing fern to check the last of the path was clear. The bear, sprawled out over the mouth of the cave wa larger than any bear he had seen. For that matter, it was larger than any he had heard about in stories. Could he risk leaving his belongings? Could he hope to find elaina without the map she had left him? He was paralysed with fear and anxiety. As he shrank behind the fern to decide what to do, all thoughts of a bear vanished as the shadow of the beast before him blocked all sunlight, cutting off its warm rays to leave an icy chill in the air. The bear had seen the beast too and let out a mighty roar as it charged at the temporarily puzzled looking beast. But puzzled only for a moment as it sprang at the bear, all talons and teeth sending the sky red as it rained down blood. He attached Wilbur to his feet and in that gliding method of running that hd saved him so many times, he went for the mouth if the cave.

[Soxson]

...a?

[Hooker]

this was a horror story? all it made me do was release my build up of power in my butt

[Soxson]

...a?

[Hooker]

good job racist soxbitch

[flipynifty]

*slow claps*

[Oneangel]

Well that's this thread ruined then..oh well, thanks soxon

[Oneangel]

An idiot walks into a bar...

[Oneangel]

30 mins later soxon leaves the bar with the phone number of a leggy blonde in a red dress. Sure, barry was an odd name, but she had been nice to him, and he particularly enjoyed the way her Adam's apple bobbed up and down as she spoke in that rich deep voice.

[Hooker]

Originally Posted by Oneangel

30 mins later soxon leaves the bar with the phone number of a leggy blonde in a red dress. Sure, barry was an odd name, but she had been nice to him, and he particularly enjoyed the way her Adam's apple bobbed up and down as she spoke in that rich deep voice.

sounds like the type of woMAN he would hit on

[Nemesiss]

if this had been done in role playing thread he coulda been reported/punished

[Soxson]

...a?

[>.>]

your irl friend plays nod? you customized the joke thus you made it YOUR joke